hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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