Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
