i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
