respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
