Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
