i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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