I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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