I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
