I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
