Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
