I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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