Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
