did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
