Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
