i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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