i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
