Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize