I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
