I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
