I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
