Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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