I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
