Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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