I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
