Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
