Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
