Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There r osticjed everywhere
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
