I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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