the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My vagina just clenched in fear
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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