so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
