I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize