i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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