Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
