Porn is love you can see.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
