i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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