Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
