I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can text with my tongue
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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