Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
