Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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