He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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