I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
