How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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