I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
