I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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