Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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