please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
