ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
