the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
