i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
