I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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