I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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