Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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