the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
