...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
