I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
