our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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