just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
