I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
