And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
