I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
