alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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