Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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