insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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