Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
