He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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