Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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