Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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