her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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