I cockslap morals
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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