We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
