I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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