okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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