Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
