this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
